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Below are the 15 most recent journal entries recorded in fleurdeleis' LiveJournal:

Monday, June 23rd, 2008
9:59 pm
June 21
we brought baby home and celebrated our 5 year Wedding Anniversary. Yay us! Keelan was the BEST GIFT EVER! After 6 long days in the hospital, 2 of which I was induced and the rest recovering from a c-section I am finally home with my new family. :)

Current Mood: ecstatic
Thursday, June 5th, 2008
9:34 pm
Today is...
the due date and still no bebe! Apparently he gets to decide when it's time. Somehow I see this phrase popping up *quite* a bit in his lifetime. ;)

Current Mood: amused
Friday, May 16th, 2008
1:48 pm
Drifting
I feel as if I'm drifting, drifting away from what I've known for years and closer to my future as a mother. Yesterday being my last day of work brought with it mixed emotions. I have cared for and grown to love these three girls as if they were my own for the past four and a a half years. I have know Maddie half her life, Hannah more than that and Samantha all her life. Now I must say goodbye and hope that the impression I left on these children will stay with them forever.
After Austen's death I started to notice a change. It's no wonder people don't ask why we don't go crazy, more often. In the face of all I have dealt with these past few weeks, (well years, but whose counting) staying afloat and simply drifting is all I can do to deal with the pain. I don't know if it's the fact that he is gone, that I didn't stay in touch as much as I had hoped or the circumstances in which he passed, but I am angry. It's brought up other emotions in me that I have buried for quite some time like the fact that I am also angry my dad is not here. He isn't here in physical form to see my son who will be born just weeks away.

Current Mood: aggravated
Friday, May 9th, 2008
6:02 pm
This isn't funny anymore
I walked to the mailbox today and saw a letter addressed to Steve and me from a dear family who I did everything with. I was Chloe's nanny for two years, rented their cottage for what seemed like forever and practically lived with them. All in all they were my "family". As I reached inside the envelope I noticed a collage of both old a new photos on the cover of a Shutterfly card and my first thought was "wow, looks a lot like their well put together Christmas card". Austen (Chloe's older brother) must be graduating from college or home from Iraq , something his mom and I both had a hard time with. Then it hit me. I didn't even need to read the content inside. I just knew. He died on April 21, 2008. He was just 24.

Current Mood: angry
Wednesday, April 2nd, 2008
10:00 am
My Head Is Spinning
I've got a bridal shower to host, a baby shower to plan, 4 weddings to attend this summer AND a baby to prepare for! Eek!! It's no wonder the sea monkey has been kicking me in the ribs lately! It's his way of saying "hey mom, slow down". I think it would do us BOTH some good to remember to do my deep breathing.

Current Mood: anxious
Thursday, February 14th, 2008
7:52 pm
Happy Valentine's Day To Me!
I love the fact that even on Valentine's Day, one of my most despised Hallmark holidays EVER (aren't they all despisable?!) Steve and I still manage to remain two very independent, grounded people. I spent the evening at prenatal yoga and he at band practice. I did however, manage to slip in a bit of ultra romantic cheesiness with making brownies just to spite myself. Ha!

Current Mood: refreshed
Friday, February 8th, 2008
7:35 pm
Is it possible to burn out on decaf?
I have had enough decaf to choke a horse. Can't complain too much though, I made it through withdrawal during the first trimester unscathed. Didn't get migraines, the shakes or irritability (other than the usual pregnancy mood swings). As much as I LOVE my green tea, I also love variety. Not to mention, it is extremely frustrating when we go out to eat and I ask the server "what non-alcoholic/decaf beverages do you have?" and they proceed with the answer I get 9 times out of 10, "water". This leads me to my next rant... I have had MORE water than what seems could fill the entire pacific ocean! Bubbly is great, but enough already!!

Current Mood: amused
Sunday, January 27th, 2008
9:47 am
Here we go again
I find myself at Stanford Hospital, again. My mom collapsed Friday morning and seeing her lying on the floor made my life flash before my eyes. Three years ago this month she was taken by ambulance with similar symptoms which turned out to be a "minor' heart attack. If you ask me, there's nothing minor about it! Thankfully, this time we were able to rule out heart attack or stroke. Seems her ectapy and low blood pressure are most likely the culprits. She is due to get discharged today and come home, where we would like her to stay for a long time. :)

Current Mood: exhausted
Wednesday, January 9th, 2008
7:28 pm
Week 19
The Sea Monkey is moving, doing somersaults as far as I can tell and is a night owl just like their mother. :)
Heard the heartbeat again today and still haven't gained any weight. It has simply shifted, considering my uterus is the size of a grapefruit it makes sense. Alas.

Current Mood: excited
Thursday, January 3rd, 2008
6:25 pm
Tis' The Season For Bebes!
Our New Year's Eve was spent with Julie and Justin and well, Blaqk Audio! Whee. Le bebe enjoyed the beats too, in utero. ;)

Speaking of the wee little one... we have decided to call it "Sea Monkey". Juno is my new favorite movie and so it goes without saying.

Just six hours ago, geek spawn number three arrived! Yay for Candice and Jorge!! We hope to visit at the hospital tomorrow evening.

Current Mood: ecstatic
Friday, December 21st, 2007
9:59 am
Four Funerals and A Wedding
this year. Sheesh. Kind of backwards, I think. Today is my Great Uncle's funeral and I hoped to be there. I just couldn't see myself jumping on a plane in the wee hours of the morning to fly to LA, sit in traffic on the 405, attend the service, sit in more traffic, and catch a flight back home when everybody else is trying to leave for vacation. On top of that, being pregnant AND sick with a cold makes it sound all the less appealing. Not to mention we are hosting Geekmas tomorrow evening with at least 20 people. I'm beginning to understand why it is I should listen to Steve, my voice of reason (most of the time) when he says, "sweetheart, you are biting off more than you can chew". I just want to be and do everything. I need to put my super powers away and remember that I cannot get well if I constantly drive myself into the ground.

Now is a good time as any to start enjoying the holidays, 10 whole days of no work. Off to bake goodies now. I can taste the kourebiedas already. Mmm.....

Current Mood: awake
Friday, December 14th, 2007
1:27 pm
Week 15
Today we heard the heartbeat. It was a strong, almost hypnotic drum beat sound. Very exciting and we have the BIG sonogram to look forward to in a month! Whee. :)

Current Mood: ecstatic
Wednesday, November 28th, 2007
7:38 pm
Chucky P rocks
which is why I'm reading Lullaby, again. Maybe not the best pick since I am with child. Survivor would have been a good choice, more uplifting and one of my favs! However... the book I just finished was way too fairytale ending that even though I have yet to throw up from my pregnancy I very well may have from how utterly "er" that was. Now I will read more culling songs and go to bed. Goodnight.

Current Mood: amused
Tuesday, November 27th, 2007
9:47 pm
I Survived The First Trimester
and all I got was caffeine deprivation, stone cold sobriety, an aversion to meat and enough of a belly that I don't fit comfortably into my jeans, but definitely can't fill out maternity clothes just yet. So long single digits!
I embrace this next phase of my pregnancy wholeheartedly! My appetite has returned, sometimes with mixed feelings, but at least now I can keep something down.

Current Mood: peaceful
Sunday, October 17th, 2004
11:27 am
Here comes the rain...
Woke up to the sound of rain. It must be close to my b-day. One of the tell-tale signs. That and the site of pumpkins! Hee!! Screaming God in bed is the closest to Jesus as I'll get on this Sunday morning!
I feel rejuvenated and blessed all at the same time. Going through some changes as I approach 30, but am ready to face it head on. Stevie has been my calm, as always. Looking forward to a leisurely walk on the beach, in the rain. I know it will be BEAUTIFUL!

Current Mood: content
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